Other Haven

Muse

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 11:55:34 GMT

Here is another something from my past writing

MUSE

have you ever wondered,
when your dreams come true,
will you have another dream or will you just be contented?

have you ever wondered,
what if the world achieved peace,
will stay that way or revert back to its uncivilized ways?

have you ever wondered,
when the world ends what will God do to pass his time,
Create another species or simply retire and be amount us?

Geeezzz why do we even exist?
The essence of life? -10.09.2006-

I must be freaking bored when i wrote that....
Haha something to laugh about XD

oh...i deeply regret cursing the person who 'took' my ring...
cause...that would mean cursing myself...
OMG.... bimbo ness in me =D
LOOL

Stoopeeeism

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 11:27:52 GMT

Yeap if there is a new word to describe me it will be

STOO-PEEE-ISM

=_____="

And so, i was out with my mum shopping...then bla bla bla
Cut story short...i was sitting with my dad and friends having beer at lunch hour o.O
Then i suddenly realized....
OMG.... my diamond ring which i have worn for 5 years and never take out is missing from my finger!!!
I told my mum first thing........ and she started helping me look for it...trace back our footsteps and all.... but to no avail....
And she keep asking me...are you sure you wore it out?
And i confidently answered YES because i don't take it out..........wtf

And so...i was told by everyone to let it go.... out with the old and in with the new...
Wtf.... damn sad okay.........
I felt sadder than when i broke up with my ex...seriously...
I'm sentimental when it comes to Diamonds......... *sob sob*

And so...... the uncles (dad's friend) keep pouring my drinks saying don't be sad, your dad can buy you another one....HAHAHA .... AS IF....
But but i've been wearing it for 5 freaking years.... Please note that i don't get stuck to things that long...if i keep something for 5 years then i really treasure it.
Wtf.... anyway i drank enough to forget about the ring...

That night... i came back home...and i cried at night..... yea i cried because of a ring =.=
I'm retarded.... so what.... EH it was expensive...like reallyyyy expensive =.=
And my mum was so nice not to scold me....
Damn EMO .....
So damn EMO
until the next day on Sunday ....
I did not feel like going out.....
So EMO until i sat at home
AND
FInish up my ACCOUNTING homework.....
Sighhhh

This morning... Monday....
I woke up still feeling down.... i want my ring back!!!
I even cursed the person who pick it up =.=
I went to piano class... forgot about it for that period...
Though about it when i was driving home....
Damn emo.... how come i let a ring take over my emotions? Sighhh

Then after lunch, i heard a honk...motorcycle...POS LAJU...
thinking..sigh must be letter for my dad...can't be someone posting my ring back right.... hahah dream on... as if you drop your ring with your address attached to it =.= fuck...
Then the letter was addressed to ME....
So i thought maybe my bestie send something over...
I sign... i open.....
WHAHAHAHAAH something made my day..... finally

ITS THE SAME COLOUR AS MY RING!!!

Hahaha but its NOT my ring...the shape is not even close....sigh just another extra thingy dad gave me...which i have no use for it... extra stress only he give me...
Platinum... hmmmm where shall i go hahaha..... i'll be debts before i start working man... thanks anyway daddy (you should stop spoiling me >.<)

And so i thought that was the highlight of the day....

THEN THEN THEN

jang jang jang

MY MUM SCREAM MY NAME............

COME INTO MY ROOM NOW (MY NAME)!!!!

WHOA i thought the SKY fell........

Then she ask me very slowly.........

Did you or did you NOT wear your ring out on Saturday?
(hey at this point i was hoping she brought me a new ring =.= yeah shoot me)

And i was like ... i'm very sure i wore it since i don't take it out...if i take it out its only to clean then i wear it back straight....

And she was like HMMMMM
CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS?

ITS MY FRIGGIN RING!!!! ON HER DRESSING TABLE!!!

WHY? HOW? WHEN?

OMG ... i'm just happy i have it back where it belongs.... on my finger!

THIS my dear readers....... is HOW STUPID i can be..... MORONIC even.......

yea so that was how 'happening' my weekend was......

ps - the ring was my 18th birthday present from mum.

haha sorry to have bore anyway here =P
I'm still amused how it can be on my mum's table....

Past Tense

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:56:57 GMT

I don't know why...i keep thinking about my past these days instead of the future...
Hmmm maybe i don't see a bright future...How la my life?
Haha anyway, while thinking about my past, i dug out my old diary and re-read it. Some are hilarious and some are down right angst...some are just me lost in the world.
Thought i'll put some writings out here...most of them are in poem form anyway.

I'm a child of my own,
Like all child who needs to breath,
I need a big airy room,
To spread my limits and creativity.

I feel trapped at times,
Often when i think about it i cry,
A child like me should not cry,
I know because they think i'm strong.

I wish people will look at me,
A different point of view perhaps,
Me feelings are almost the same,
As we are all humane in a way.

Why must i trust and give in,
Is this how this life works at this age,
Well i hope when i grow more,
Things should be able to clear up.

One day these questions shall be answered,
But for now all i want is some time alone.

- 20.08.2003-

Sighh that was SIX years ago.... i wonder why did i write that...what does it mean?
Maybe it has something to do with how much i hated school and how it cramp my style.
I've always been a vocal person, but i think over the years i've mellow down alot.
Even my brothers and parents notice that i don't fight back as much....

HORROR....

I'm conforming to the norm!!! *gasp*

I think i need to find my niche again...maybe i should get my sarcasm back...
Sighhh come back personality!!!

This is very dull... here is one more written in 12.04.2006 dedicated to my best friends

The Sun, The Sea and My Jewels

Sea breeze flowing through my hair,
Morning sun beam on my face,
White soft sands between my toes,
Calming sounds of waves i hear.

Sparkling surface of calm blue sea,
Calls of sea gulls echo in my mind,
Soothing aroma of nature's scent,
At peace i am with myself.

Laughter from a distant calls to me,
Jewels brighter than the sparkling sea,
One that shows and brings joy to the surface,
Companions that last till every single beauty dies.

Even if nature's symphony cease to play,
Even if all the sun's brightness drains away,
Your laughter will be there to keep me going,
Your personality will pave the way to my heart.

If i remember correctly, this was written after my A levels and i brought my diary with me to Perhentian Island for a short graduation vacation with a few of my BFF.
Sitting on the beach chair, not brave enough to venture out into the afternoon sun.
I think this poem say all there is to say about how much gratitude i have towards my besties as they were the one who took me for who i am in and out...
As much as i love the Sea and Beach... nothing beats my besties.
Put them together ..yea no points for guessing right... i had one of the BEST vacation of my young life.

Solo Act

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:53:35 GMT

I was lying down alone at night, sleepless from thinking about stuffs, college related and other life events.
I do not know where this thought came from but i got up and wrote in on a piece of paper before it disappears.

Do you think i need people or rather friends to validate my existence?
Is there life without friends? Can i survive without them?

i've always thought myself to be a faker.
I mean, i've always try to give sincere remarks or genuine feelings to others, but most of the time i fail...maybe because not many people like hearing the truth.

I wonder what is a normal me. Or do i really want to act like 'myself' when i'm with friends?
What is 'myself' when i'm with friends?
What is 'myself' then?
Ahhhh the classic, one question leads to another question.
See i think the world is made up of questions.
That is how the world was form...haha

I've came across this dialogue on a drama:

" its not that you believe in truth. Its that what you believe shall be the truth"

You get it?
If this sentence is right then,
If only ONE person believe in the existence of something,
then that something exist.
However, if that one person also cease to believe in its existence then,
that something will disappear.

Well i think that is something to ponder on (not as if i got nothing to think about haha)
So that means, if ONLY I alone believes in a perfect world...then it will exist?
Haha i guess so,
why am i stating the obvious...i'll just have to get about creating one just like how Hitler 'created' his.

hmmm i wonder.... if i ask my friends,
what do you think of me? the good, the bad and the worst
what will they answer?
To be oneself... haha i wish there is an instructional manual that comes together when i was born on 'how to be onself'

the meaning of true friends? what is they are like me and they don't even know...
Are we just relying on each other to validate our existence?
to make sure we're indeed living a 'normal' life?
LOL
OMG
i think i said enough of stupid stuffs for the day.....
Nitez

Hahhaa its hilarious....that was me 4 years ago... still looking for a place of my own in this world...trying to fit in...trying to gain friends and most importantly, trying to find myself.

Now, coming 22,
i won't say that i've found my place...
I'm still searching and trying to understand myself....of who am i and what i want.
And its damn freaking funny that my english has not improved...wahaha failure.com
=___=
Oh well one thing for sure
My writing is as disconnected as always...just like a part of me that i am very sure of.

Soon

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 04:00:33 GMT

I'll be updating again soon on regular basis.
Right now, i'm sitting in my college cafeteria doing nothing.
Watching my club president and another member's antics.
I feel bad that i do not enjoy the company to the point that i'm merely giving polite smiles and humoring them by laughing and joking a little.
Worst, i'm typing this post right under their nose..
This is what i term a waste of time and mental capacity..
This is what i term sucking up to a person.
This is what i term who i do not wish to be.
Oh great she just gave me a free Starbucks voucher...
I'll just keep smiling...although thankful for the little gift, i can't help to think of it as a form of bribery...
Sighhh
I guess this is how the world operates,
Big or small scale...
Welcome to part of my life
The hypocrisy side which i need to play

I actually do not see a point to this post other than time killing.
Why oh why

I should be sleeping at home.

Something called time

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:06:13 GMT

On Saturday, my family and i attended my grand aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary dinner held in a 5 star hotel...naturally... dress code is Formal.
The thing i love about formal dinners are
I do not have to think much about what to wear...a simple black dress and heels will do.
Easy for my mum too since we share most of our formal dresses.
Dad wears the same thing suit and pants easy peasy no brainers.

However it was also the FIRST time the whole family got to see the youngest, my youngest brother put on suit and pants. 16 years old and this is the first time!

Damn it he looks good...that i'm jealous. pfffttt
fine fine i felt that proud feeling and then realization sinks in....that oh shit i'm getting old...he used to be SO SO SO YOUNG and small...and now he is one head taller than me.
I understand how my parents feel about letting go...when i realise yah...this brother of mine is no longer that little thing running around annoying me.
He no longer climb around here and there begging me to play computer games with him...no longer crying when he loses in the game saying i cheated...
No more baby fats on his face...no more gap between his 2 front tooth...

Sighhhh

he wears braces now
he is vainer then me
He hogs my mirror
He ask me if his clothes are alright
He bugs me to drive him to sports activities
He chides me if i dress weird
He shies away when i embarrass him
He is no longer baby cute
He is taller than me

Ohhh whatever it is...he will always be my Little baby brother with that cheeky smile...only thing is beats me at is wise crack and height
Maybe i have younger brother complex...oh dear...hmmm maybe i should start screening the girls he plans to date hahahah

This is what i call NO LIFE

and yes i'm quite lifeless at the moment...i think about stupid irrelevant things
I think about emptyness
Why?
if i knew i would not be thinking about it
I think about how much of sleep i'm getting too
Heyyy what i do when i am bored....
Oh yeah i think i get annoyed more easily this days...
gasp***
ok ok fine
maybe i'm just stuck in PMS 24/7
which does not explains my mood

oh well what the point of this entry you might ask.....

Well simply because i'm bored and i'm sleepy
and if i was 16 i would i want to date a guy that looks like my younger brother
*GASP*
i just said it.....oh well
i quote my younger brother
" Che (which is what he calls me) will never get married because she is weird, she might be NORMAL to NORMAL people...but if guys see how you behave at home....they probably freak out.... sighh Che don't worry...you're always welcome to visit me when you get lonely..........just don't freak my future wife out and make sure you buy me stuffs on the way to visit me" =_______=

Haha don't we all love our siblings.

Nights

Getting old or just plain ignorant

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 07:44:45 GMT

I had lunch with a bunch of my juniors in college.
I usually only hang out with them when there is some activities to be done.
As usual and predicted i have no inkling of what they are rambling about...
then i thought might as well try to understand since well they are nice people and
i'll seeing them quite often.
Turns out they were talking about first impression of each other when they first meet and who were they sitting beside on orientation day and so on.

And then my mind tuned off....and i started wondering or rather desperately trying to recall my first impressions of who and who or what and what of my first few days in University...turns out...SHIT i don't remember much.

and then i tried remember how i meet my best friend and my bunch of A levels friends...and then....BAM dead end I don't remember much either =____=

Now before anyone starts calling me forgetful or plainly ignorant or cold....let me clarify.

I think i am the type of person who do not give first impression much of a thought unless it is for Business dealings and to judge if that person will be able to perform well on the job.
However, when meeting new people or people in general i usually do a scan over and the impression do not really register.
What really register LATER is the amount of time i spent with that person
the experiences we go through together and do i foresee keeping it up

Hence,
Most of my memories of friends starts when the friendship starts and not when i first meet that person...well unless you are my night in shinning armor *twinkling eyes* LOL too much movies....

Toodles.....

Broken thread

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:02:40 GMT

It is the feeling of relief
I have done it
And I cannot feel any better at the moment

Thank You

After all

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 15:07:09 GMT

I think i've reach the tipping point.
The scale at equilibrium has finally been thrown off course.
In a few days time i've promise myself that i will need to do what i should have done.
I should not have been so foolish as to trouble my friend with my doings.
I don't care if you start hating.
I don't care if you never will forgive me
I don't care if you never want to talk to me again
All i care is the sanity that i have left and can maintain.

Call me heartless and cold
Call me selfish and mean
Call me anything you want
But this is what i want.

I hope you do not regret when you said i could have anything i wanted or whatever that makes me happy.
I will in a few days tell you that this is what i want and will make me happy.
I owe myself and you this much and only this much.

After all, what comes after Hello is Goodbye.

Marathon Runner

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:51:14 GMT

I don't dream much this days...However i did had a fairly amusing dream two days ago.
The dream started off weirdly which is very normal for dreams....everything was blurry and scenes were jumping from one place to another until it stopped in a stadium or some sort.
There i was in a stadium set with obstacles and hurdles.
I was alone on the race course and the rules were that i had to get pass all the obstacles and hurdles in the fastest time possible. The person with the fastest time will win the race....and the prize? weirdly i woke up before i got the chance to see the prize.
So there i was standing there with cheers from the crowd above of the stadium looking down onto me. I see my nameless faces peering down urging me to run faster and faster....to get up when i fall over and to keep moving when i was tired.
So i keep running....and running wanting to win so bad, i pass through the challenges as if its what i do everyday.
Nearing the finishing line, i hear the announcer and the crowd's roar rising and as i cross the line....barely able to catch my breath....the was announced THE WINNER
Yet, oddly when i should have felt proud of what i've achieved, i felt strangely ....empty yet free...no string attached.......

And then i realized.........

i was running a marathon away from life