It actually feels NEUTRAL!

Sighh final examinations in 5 days!
Tell me i can do this. 4.0 flat. is all i need. All there is.

Woohooo....instead of staying to study..... i was influence by my mum and friends to join them for buffet lunch =.=

So at the end of this week i shall be

A dead fat zombie who might not get 4.0 Flat....

Damn.

I'm lazy to think of stuffs to write, so here is a Japanese song lyrics that i adore. Sang by Flumpool tittled : Over the Rainbow

Even though the cold rain wets your cheek,
The drop that falls on the petal overlaps with you
If that becomes like sunshine
the sparkle won't lose its color,
no matter how tarnished it is.
Ah, thinking it won't disappear,


Not just this, the feeling of sadness won't fade.
Within the eyes that endured tears,
the light that is prettier than all else is collected.
Let's walk on the other side of the clouds.
After the rain, a rainbow will appear.


If you listen carefully the beat that can be heard
is not something thrown aside.
It is gentle; the heart is merry.
Take this hand and strike the dust.
You will probably see that today and yesterday are now different.


Oh, it's just one wound
As though the precious expectation has ceased.
Leave it here.
Everyone will draw the bridge of all our hope in their hearts amid the dark.
When the rain lifts, we'll believe the dream built in the sky and go walking.
Even though you continue to shout hoarsely and continue to flounder, it's just unrequited.
It seems you can take it in your hand;
it seems it won't arrive.
That sunshine is the answer.


The raindrops that wet the cheek are a single muscle's glitter.
No need to be frightened.
Everyone is living so that we may all see the rainbow,
in the starved darkness.
When the rain clears, we'll trust the dream built in the sky and go walking.
Believe only the dream and let's go walking

To listen to the equally awesome song:
Over the Rainbow by Flumpool

I'm having some random thoughts at the moment.
And at this random thoughts, I am/do actually missing/miss some things in life.
1. Holding a big firm hand.
2. Having that look in the eyes.
3. Getting a big sincere hug.
4. Playing in the rain.
5. Laughing till my stomach hurts... sincerely.
6. I actually miss crying.
7. Swimming!
8. Being alone... alone! Driving alone singing to tunes.
9. Slamming the piano keys like no one is listening/truly enjoy playing again.
10. Skipping hand in hand.
11. Clothes hunting.
12. Baking.
13. Writing creative post.
14. Taking a drive with someone to random places.
15. Going for a movie.
16. Picnics!
17. Dancing with no intention/thoughts/freely/unconsciously
18. Singing out
19. Looking into someone Else's eyes and say the truth.
20. Family holiday!!!
21. I miss my eldest brother.

Will i be able to get all this before my 22nd birthday? Hmmm...maybe a few of it.
Make no mistakes about some of the references.
I do miss all those. But i'm afraid i do not have the courage to realize some of it.
I guess it is only normal to feel alone at times. But heck, i'm so accustomed to this that i've made it my comfort zone.
Often when you don't think, you'll forget...deliberately or not...i guess it does not really matter.

I think thats all for today. I shall sign off now considering i do not have any creative juice left in me....if this goes on....i'm a goner!

Pss... i had fun today!
Psss.... i know it but i don't want to know.
Pssss.... why is it suddenly everyone comes to me to talk about their problems? Its like i've became the inhouse union shrink (not that i mind) its just so sudden that everyone comes at the same time :S

Ahahaha whatever i think i found a new little family in life.... they may not last, but i know i'll remember them =D

PSSS - BIG SHOUT OUT TO 'You Know Who You Are' Thanks for everything this past few weeks! Love ya!
 

I have finally gotten my social life back.
In fact my 'usual' social life consist of ME and MY LAPTOP.
One of the biggest joy i have in life is just sitting in front of my laptop, watching random movies or dramas. Even reading comics or online books.
I have a little de-stress folder in my bookmarks where i can safely call it my little haven of joy!
So now, with all those events BEHIND, over and done with.
Its hello BUMMING days!

However, i do somehow feel empty. I do miss those days and times where we all pitch in and did stuffs. The dedication and the nonsensical stuffs we did.
Come to think about it, it was a lot of fun i had then.

Right now, i NEED to be anti social!
I have been surrounded by PEOPLE since 2 months ago. Only having quiet moments by myself in the toilet ;P and right before bed time when everyone at home is asleep and i'm all by myself in the hall.
Ahhhh the peace and quiet.... so.damn.tranquil

ANTI SOCIAL LIFE, I'M BACK!
SAY HELLO!!!

---

I have never done any movie review before,
So here is a brief one

DEPARTURES (Okuribito) - Japanese Movie

Daigo Kobayashi (Masahiro Motoki) is a devoted cellist in an orchestra that has just been dissolved and now finds himself without a job. Daigo decides to move back to his old hometown with his wife to look for work and start over. He answers a classified ad entitled "Departures" thinking it is an advertisement for a travel agency only to discover that the job is actually for a "Nokanshi" or "encoffineer," a funeral professional who prepares deceased bodies for burial and entry into the next life. While his wife and others despise the job, Daigo takes a certain pride in his work and begins to perfect the art of "Nokanshi," acting as a gentle gatekeeper between life and death, between the departed and the family of the departed. The film follows his profound and sometimes comical journey with death as he uncovers the wonder, joy and meaning of life and living.
Written by Regent Releasing

What more, the soundtracks are written by Joe Hisashi.

Personal opinion:
If you ask me when was the last time i tear while watching a movie.
I would tell you yesterday was my first time.
Yes i hate to admit tearing because of a movie, but this movie is really something.
The actor who played DAIGO actually took a few years to learn encoffining and to play the cello. Such dedication paid off as the emotions he portrayed were RAW.
It was so believable that I felt what the characters in the movie were feeling. Genuinely brilliant. Hence it deserved every each of the awards it won.

Click the below to watch:
Watch Departures

Enjoy the movie.

Some inspiring and thought provoking quotes i love

Copy from one its plagiarism; copy from two its research.
- Wilson Mizner-

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true
- Friedrich Nietzsche-

I don't know the key to success, but i know the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
-Bill Cosby-

You always do what you want to do.
This is true with every act.
You may say that you had to do something,
Or that you were forced to,
But actually,
Whatever you do,
You do by choice.
Only you have the power to choose for yourself
-W.Clement Stone-

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts,
We make our world.
-Buddha-

Faith must be enforced by reasons,
When faith becomes blind,
It dies.
-Mahatma Gandhi-

If you only tool is a hammer,
Then all your problems look like nails.
-Mark Twain-

Man swims in the sea of self satisfaction.
Tempted by the bait of postponement,
Swallows the hook of mediocrity and ends up in the net of failure.
-William Arthur Ward-

This is the time where i go,

"Opps i have lost track of time"

17 days to go and it is still blurry...

Slowly but surely,
Pacing but forwarding,
Halting but continuous,
Cautious but spirited,
Doubting but believing,
Scared but willing,
Nervous but excited,

"It is moving inches by inches"

---

College cafeteria,
Ever noisy,
Ever smelly,
I think the college should upgrade it's ventilation system...
Or at least the cafeteria should install cooking hobs.
Ughh i am bored!
There were a lot of people to watch just awhile ago.
They all went away as fast as they came.
Oh well no one worth giving a second look.

Can wait for today's class to end...then i can look forward to sleep in the car.
hmmm 3 hours drive to a getaway not bad.
Compared to the 6 hours drive previously... But i am not complaining.
I am willing to travel any amount of time for a nice quiet place.
I'll treat this as my little soul collecting and preparation before the busy WEEKS ahead.

Lets list down what i have to do after this weekend
1. quiz
2. sponsorship hunting
3. Sports day...is it still on? after all the work we put in? especially my VP
4. Dance choreography... (omg are we ready? i'm feeling a slightly ummm unsure. Is my choreograph good enough? interesting? eye catching?) i have not even finish drawing up the whole routine...only 1 set...another 2-3 sets to go...not mentioning i have to think up the guy's step to complement the girls....can't breath!)
5. PROM PROM PROM..................damn!!!
6. ASSIGNMENTS (this is my main priority!) I DESPERATELY need the A for both my subject this semester...
7. GPA 4.0 no less for Summer 2009
8. Be a better daughter! Gosh... i need to keep my temper in check.
9. Go to Singapore a day after prom to congratulate my brother.... sighh which means a boring journey to a city for a night. Oh well midway weekend break.
10. Study study study final exams are important after all.
11. Get a Summer holiday life after all this!!! hahaha I am a BUM afterall =D

Oh sorry for ranting out nonsensical random thoughts.
Bleh i shall take my leave now....hmmm I am hungry...but i NEED to get rid of the 3KGs i put on over the one month break i had. pfffffftttttt

OK that is all..........for now..........
H U N G R Y
Is there healthy lunch at the mall?

I wish i can escape to a place like that more often.
Calm
Serene
Quiet
Reclusive
Fresh

Those are just a few words to describe it. Truly a hideout, a getaway. a resort, an abbot.

By the way, that is a place nestled far away from the strange world i call the city.
Situated in one of the east coast state of Malaysia.

Hmmmm i wish sometime i could be more like a lake.
Calm and collected. ha ha ha

---

I will be up in the mountain this weekend, to escape from the heat.
Some how i never really thought of Summer as being fun it is just too humid and hot.
Maybe only fun when i get to see clear blue sea water and a long stretch of fine white sand beach minus unknown people.
I love getaways that are quiet and relaxing.
I can go about in my own pace.
Well lets just hope the mountain is not filled with people.
If it is, i will just curl up in the apartment and read a good book.

Oh i just remembered... i have a quiz on the following Monday after that weekend...
DRAT!

Guess this is it....
The start of my Summer Semester...

I. AM. HYPER. ............ VENTILATING!!!!

TIME~

So i was lazy to post it onto FB.

TAG 1

What was the last thing you drank?
RO water. It has to be RO water! Shaddup.. i'm not anal

Who did you last say "I love you" to?
Does writing it on the this blog counts?

Did you regret it?
Nope. I only regretted it once.

Have a best friend?
Yup

Are you a boy or girl?
Girl

How do you want to die?
Die knowing i've done it all

What is your real name?
Hahaha...this is a real tough question. I will not reveal my real identity. Nice try =p

Are you gonna get high later?
Nah

Do you miss anyone?
YES! i miss my best friends, and the mentegarians

Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Hmmm at home, cut, out, twirl

Are you scared of spiders?
Not afraid, but i don't love them. Love taking photos of them

Do you miss anyone from your past?
Um none. People that i miss from my past, i bring them into the present with me and i hope to see a future.

Favorite colour(s)?
Err anything that is not strikingly bright

Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
This is a good idea... but it only seems romantic in movies....hmmmmm

Last hug?
Errrr.....omg....forgot.....hahaha

Last thing you watched on a TV?
Terminator 1 =.= hasta la vista babeh

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Of course.

What should you be doing?
Preparing a proposal and writing a script...

What's irritating you right now?
Some how i am quite contented and calm after all the food stuffed into me hahaa
Food works very well to calm me...did i mention GOOD FOOD?

Do you have trust issues?
Yes. Fortunately i think

Last book you read?
Hmmm i forgot the tittle but its by Kazuo Ishigaru ...err i think i misspelled his name. But its good.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
umm myself?

Do you give out second chances too easily?
Yes i do. But there is no third chances

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Wow... this is hard to choose. I guess forgive is easier

Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
Nope. I don't intend to. I don't intend to engrave my unsightly fats into stranger's mind

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Watch a drama. Wishing my other half would be that character hahaah...
*poof*

Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes if i am in unfamiliar places

Is cheating ever okay?
No it is never okay. It is just how serious it is.

Are you mean?
HA HA HA HA. I don't think i am mean enough at times. Does it makes me a mean person if i wish to be meaner?

Do you believe in true love?
I wish some one will make me believe... but i am not very optimistic on this

Do you like the outside?
ABSOLUTELY!

Do you wanna get married?
All there is to getting married is a Certificate. Which does not last forever.

Are you hungry?
Nope. I just came back from a day trip to Ipoh...stuffing myself silly

Would you change your name?
Funny how i used to hate my name. Now i love it. So no, i love my name. Especially when it is written in its Chinese characters.

Do you watch the news?
Hmmmm not really. With the current political situation in the country, it is like watching repeats of old stale Astro movies.


Are your nails painted?
Nope. I haven paint them in a year

Who was th last person you were on the phone with?
Hmmm... my younger brother

What is your favorite food?
Don't Get Me Started

Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yes it does

What's going on between you and your best friend?
Hah? Well currently she is having her final year exams... after this she will be a lawyer and i hope what goes in between she better give me free consultantions.

Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with?
MYSELF!

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
NEVER. Glad of it

Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos?
Hmmm have not tried tattoos (shall try)
Piercings are cool. I like the after pain which is a dull throbbing haha

What do you wear more jeans or sweat pants?
Jeans

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
Night, right before i go to bed

Have you ever said you'd never love again?
Nope. I'm just afraid i can't.

Do you want to have kids?
Right now and for the next 10 years NOPE!

Do you have any older siblings?
Yes. Brother

How many months/days until your birthday?
Lazy to count.

---

TAG 2

40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what.
If I tag you, you have to do one!

1.) have you ever been asked out?
Umm... yeah seriously i think only twice. Psss.... i think its very sweet when a guy comes and ask me for a date. Sadly its usually disguise as tea or a drink or whatever not...jeeezzz

2.) where was your default picture taken?
Errrr... kenyir lake, Terrengganu Malaysia

3.) what's your middle name?
6th Month

4.) your current relationship status?
Ou my relationship with myself is going good today. Thank you

5.) does your crush like you back?
Hmmm ... if i know... then ... hahaah what is the point to this question?

6.) what is your current mood?
Full, fat and lazy

7.) what color of underwear are you wearing
Skin

8.) what color shirt are you wearing?
Maroon

9.) Missing something?
Beach vacation!!! Its summer T.T

10.) if you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Yah. Wish i had known advertising much earlier.

11.) if you must be an animal for one day, what?
A wild horse! or Panda haha

12.) ever had a near death experience?
Hmmm.... fortunately nope

13.) something you do a lot?
Sleep whenever i can

14.) the song stuck in your head?
None at the moment

15.) who did you copy and paste this from?
Sorry...identity witheld. A college friend is all.

16.) name someone with the same birthday as you?
Andy Azwin haha (from the band Estranged)

17.) when was the last time you cried
On Wednesday. Dumb brother!

18.) have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yeap. Never again hahaha

19.) if you could have one super power what would it be?
Super intelligence! that way i can do alot of things!

20.) what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The way they carry themselves...okay of course the physical looks...and ummm their car if i can see it hahah shit...the shallowness

21.) what do you usually order from starbucks?
Green Tea frappucino, less milk, more Green tea powder and top it with whipped cream.

22.) what's your biggest secret?
Ouuu i have a brother complex.....muahahahahahhaa

23.) favorite color?
Hmmmm right now i think its GREY

24.) do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Cartoon Network! still a favourite and always will be

25.) what's on your walls?
Many things

26.) what are you?
I'm a creature that can write, think and shit. Hmmm i can do all those at the same time too!


27.) do you speak any other language?
Malay, and 3 other chinese dialects.

28.) what's your favorite smell?
Fresh linen, green tea, baking pineapple tarts, leather, new car, so many things i can't choose which is my favourite.

29.) Describe your life in one word.
Undecided

30.) have you ever kissed in the rain?
This is definately on my to do list

31.) what are you thinking about right now?
My next weekend getaway!

33.) what should you be doing?
Typing proposal and a script

34.) who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
My brother

35.) how often do u talk to God?
Not often enough. Barely.

36.) do you like working in the yard?
Depends what kind of yard

37.) if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
None. I would still want mine, my dad's. There no point changing it, i'm proud of it. What i want is the determination to make people want it.

38.) do you act differently around the person you like?
I used to. But now, i think i'm learning to care less

39.) what is your natural hair color?
Dark brown

40.) who was the last person to make you cry?
My brother

---

Ahhh done with the Tags.
Toodles

---

Sighhh lets just say the previous post was a PMS post.
Haha had some minor disagreement with the parents and some
errr 'where is my life heading towards conflict'.
Given a chance i would love NOT to be the 2nd child and the only daughter.
That was all there is. A wake up call and being pissed at myself for not putting my act together. Being angry at myself for losing my temper and seeing through to certain things i do in life.
Frustrated that i don't have the courage to extend my point of views.
Nearly strangled myself for blaming others. Whatever it is, the issue is still there, it is just a decision of dissolving it or solving it.
However, not all decisions are mine alone to make.

Dear Pa,
I wish you would wonder more,
But i hope you don't question much,
I'm sorry your daughter is fickle minded,
I'm sorry she is not an academic like your first born,
I'm sorry she is not as witty as your youngest,
Sometimes i wish with all my heart i do believe you when you say you are proud of me.
But how is it that i am not proud of myself?
You don't speak much,
Yet a word from you can make me cringe.
Do you know?
The easiest way to see my tears is when you presume you understand.
I know you mean well,
I understand you want the best,
But is your best really mine?
I can see you try your hardest,
It is not really your fault if you can't comprehend,
I know, because at times i am confused myself.
Lets, just continue this another day..

Dear Mummy,
I am not a little girl anymore,
True that i will always come running to you whenever and i know i can,
You will not push me away.
But somehow i wish you would push me away,
Let me learn the hard way.
I wish you give me some space,
Understand that i have my own place in the world,
I think i will continue this another day too

Whatever it is I love you both.
Know that you will always be first.

Anyway,
Happy Mother's Day (albeit belated)
Happy Father's Day (in advance)

---

Ohhh whats with the tittle hahaha
Did you know, that when you are staying with your parents,
Maggi mee becomes a luxury and not a necessity?
What made me decide so?

Well like most people i have stress buster and mood lifting food.
Usually it is always sweet.
For instance, green tea ice cream and white/dark chocolates.
however 2 days ago, when i was home alone (finally),
I went into the kitchen to get chocolates.
Then i suddenly loss the mood to eat chocolates and had a sudden craving for savory food.
And then i realized it has been sometime since i last ate Maggi Mee.
BUT...there was NO maggi mee at home!! BUMMER...
can you believe it, i had to purposely drive out to the convenient store just to buy instant noodles to satisfy my craving.... who the hell craves for instant noodles =_=
Oh the bliss i felt when i got my hands on the curry flavored noodles.
Mmmmm my mood uplifted instantly. I was smiling like an idiot and thankfully no one was home haha. I can be so lame like that.

I wanted to say something else... but i forgot... am thinking of my noodles again....lalalalala

OH I HATE MY ANKLE!!!!

Its been freaking more than a month now... and my sprained ankle is still giving me trouble. I still can't wear heels!
I have no problem with not wearing heels, but i can't dance without heels...it makes me feel ummm unsexy? haha i mean for my Salsa classes... bummer*
Funny, i can run and not feel pain. But once i slip on the heels and stand, walk much less dance.... whoaa pain! dammit.... and i'm lazy to go see the doctor pfftttt

Oh so in order to solve the 'can't wear heels' problem for my daily needs, my mum insisted i buy a pair of balerina flats instead of going out or going to dinner with flip flops... ha ha ha i bought a pair of flat in PURPLE   hmmm kind of regretting getting that color...heyy but it was between black or purple... black is so formal.... sighhh
anyway its was damn friggin cheap. at 20 bux i'm not going to return it.

Well i guess thats about it.
Wanted to write about my Short getaway to the east coast... but lazy...
Now i think i shall be a hermit till the official start of the semester.
Oh well been a hermit since last week.
No worries once semester starts i will be like usual again....
AHAH
unless
my
results
SUXZ
BIG
TIME
then
i
will
be
hidding
in
a
corner
Feeling
Like
Killing
Myself

*see thats why i told them, i despise expectations